Join us here at 7:30pm CST for a live-blog of the 86th Academy Awards. We’ll cover all the winners, presenters and performances.
7:30 — And we’re off! Ellen’s rocking’ the velour tux.
7:31 — First joke is about the weather. Canned laughter… Shout out to June Squibb, then cut to Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I want them for True Detective Season 2.
7:32 — Another hearing aid joke about an old Nebraska star? Patton Oswalt would like a word with you.
7:34 — Real Captain Phillips and real Philomena Lee in the house! And then Ellen throws some serious shade at Liza Minnelli. Ouch.
7:35 — The most important thing in the world is… youth?
7:36 — “You should think of yourselves as winners. Not all of you, but everyone who’s won before.”
7:37 — 1400 films among the nominees, six years of schooling.
7:39 — Eighteen-time nominee Meryl Streep is a losing investment. Sounds like Hollywood math to me!
7:41 — Ellen is totally above mocking Jennifer Lawrence’s clumsiness. Not. She’s bold. “Maybe we should bring you the Oscar?” Did she just give away Best Supporting Actress?
7:42 — Jared Leto is the prettiest. Hard to disagree. He stars in Dallas Buyers Club, a “movie that deals with the serious issue of people who have sex at rodeos.” Speaking of which, Bruce Dern is here. Whoa.
7:43 — The last penis Ellen saw was Jonah Hill’s in The Wolf of Wall Street.
7:44 — “Option #1: 12 Years a Slave wins Best Picture. Option #2: You’re all racists.”
7:45 — First award of the night: Anne Hathaway presents Best Supporting Actor. The winner is: Jared Leto as Rayon in Dallas Buyers Club. No surprise here. His performance didn’t work its charms on me, but it’s easy to see why he won. Passionate speech dedicated to Ukrainians, Venezuelans, AIDS victims and those have been discriminated against.
7:52 — Jim Carrey, star of Ace Ventura—but not Lawrence of Arabia or Citizen Kane—is presenting. Self-depricating joke about his lack of nominations. He should have been up for The Truman Show, Man on the Moon and Eternal Sunshine. He does a killer Bruce Dern impression. He doesn’t know the difference between LSD and animation. He’s here to present a montage of animated heroes, which makes him a quite appropriate presenter. That was underwhelming.
7:58 — Kerry Washington up next to present Pharrell, performing “Happy” from Despicable Me 2. Good to see he dressed up for his performance. But he brought back the hat. I’m kind of hoping he dances with a giant Minion. Now he’s dancing with all the Best Actress nominees. Get it, Meryl! And now everyone’s on their feet. Hard to get that when they’re not giving out a lifetime achievement award.
8:05 — Naomi Watts and Samuel L. Jackson present Best Costume Design to Catherine Martin for The Great Gatsby. Again, not surprised. She previously won for both costume design and art direction Moulin Rouge! back in 2002. They also present Best Make-Up & Hairstyling to Adruitha Lee and Robin Matthews for Dallas Buyers Club. Allegedly their budget was only $250.
8:10 — Harrison Ford, his usual gruff self, presents the first trio of Best Picture nominees: American Hustle, Dallas Buyers Club and The Wolf of Wall Street. He seems way too excited.
8:15 — “A warm Dolby Theatre welcome?” Could you sound more robotic, announcer? Channing Tatum presents Team Oscar: six contest winners and short filmmakers.
8:20 — Ellen gives consolation prizes to the also-rans. Bradley Cooper gets scratch-offs.
8:21 — Shout-out to EdTV! Kim Novak (yikes!) and Matthew McConaughey awkwardly present Best Animated Short. The winner is Mr. Hublot. Big loss for Disney, who was expected to win for the Mickey Mouse cartoon Get a Horse!
8:26 — They’re back to present Best Animated Feature. Frozen wins, in the least shocking development of the night.
8:30 — Sally Field takes a Boniva-sponsored break (no pun intended) to introduce a montage of “everyday heroes,” including Oscar-winning portrayals of real people like Erin Brockovich, Harvey Milk, Abraham Lincoln and Norma Rae. And future winner either Solomon Northup or Ron Woodroof.
8:35 — Emma Watson and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, both of whom look stunning, present Best Visual Effects to Gravity. OK, this is the easiest win of the night predict.
8:40 — Zac Efron introduces Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs to sing “The Moon Song” from Her. This is the hippest thing the Oscars have ever done. Is that Ezra Koenig of Vampire Weekend as her duet partner?! I think it is.
8:42 — Commercial break: Yay for Muppets!
8:45 — Kate Hudson and Jason Sudeikis present Best Live-Action Short to Helium. Looked like Up, plus it had a little boy dying. Never underestimate a tug on the heartstrings. Now they present Best Documentary Short to The Lady in Number 6, about the oldest living Holocaust survivor, who passed away last week.
8:49 — Ellen wants pizza. I don’t think two larges will cover it.
8:50 — Bradley Cooper presents Best Documentary Feature to 20 Feet from Stardom. It’s about the tremendous back-up singers who never get the credit they deserve. Never underestimate a feel-good movie in a sea of devastating movies about atrocities in the world. Darlene Love gives a shout-out to “Lord God” and sings “His Eye is on the Sparrow.” I’m getting chills for real. Bill Murray leads the standing ovation.
8:55 — Kevin Spacey acknowledges the awesomeness of House of Cards and recaps the Governors’ Awards, the winners of which should have been present tonight.
9:00 — Ewan McGregor and Viola Davis present Best Foreign Language Film to Italy’s The Great Beauty. Director Paolo Sorrentino accepts the award.
9:02 — Tyler Perry presents the next trio of Best Picture nominees: Nebraska, Her and Gravity.
9:05 — Brad Pitt presents U2 — my favorite band of all-time, so haters can step off — to sing “Ordinary Love” from Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom.
9:10 — Ellen takes a selfie with Liza and another with Meryl, hoping to break a retweet record. This is super awesome. Bradley Cooper takes it with Kevin Spacey photo-bombing.
9:12 — Michael B. Jordan, your new Human Torch, accompanies Kristen Bell, the once and future Veronica Mars, do the recap of Sci-Tech awards. Snooze.
9:14 — Chris Hemsworth and Charlize Theron, magnificent as always, present Best Sound Mixing to Gravity. Best Sound Mixing also goes to Gravity. It’s now three-for-three.
9:17 — Christoph Waltz, a two-time winner, presents Best Supporting Actress, another close race. And the Oscar goes to Lupita Nyong’o, for 12 Years a Slave, her first onscreen performance. Ever. She dedicates her win to “the spirit of Patsy.”
9:22 — Pizza’s here! Probably a real pizza guy, I imagine. Meryl ain’t shy about getting in there. Brad Pitt’s on paper plate duty. Harvey’s gotta pick up the bill.
9:24 — Cheryl Boone Isaacs, the first African-American female president of the Academy, does the usual boring speech about the greatness of the Academy. She’s important, this canned speech is not.
9:26 — Amy Adams and the one and only Bill Murray present Best Cinematography. Another one Gravity has locked up. Emmanuel Lubezki wins after five losses.
9:30 — Anna Kendrick and Gabourey Sidibe — another great pairing for True Detective season 2 — present Best Film Editing. Gravity wins yet again. Alfonso Cuarón has at least one guaranteed win. Mark Sanger co-edited the film with him.
9:32 — Whoopi Goldberg introduces Pink — one of my mom’s favorite recording artists! — sings “Over the Rainbow.” Is it just me or do they perform this song a lot on the Oscars?
9:43 — Ellen does her best Glinda. The only time we’ll see her in a gown tonight, I bet. Jennifer Garner and Benedict Cumberbatch — overlooked for their performances in Dallas Buyers Club and 12 Years a Slave — class up the joint to present Best Production Design. Catherine Martin wins again for The Great Gatsby. Her set decorator is Beverley Dunn. This is her first win. This is the first Oscar Gravity has lost.
9:46 — Chris Evans, your old Human Torch, presents the package on mostly sci-fi and action heroes.
9:53 — Glenn Close instructs you to get your tissues out. Here are the great actors we lost. There won’t be a dry eye in the house when Philip Seymour Hoffman is mentioned. And Roger Ebert. Hard to believe he’s been gone a year. And Bette Midler brings it home by singing “Wind Beneath My Wings.” Laying it on pretty thick, Oscars.
10:05 — Goldie Hawn presents the final trio of Best Picture nominees: Philomena, Captain Phillips and 12 Years of Slave. This is probably the 18,000th time someone’s used the phrase “resilience of the human spirit” to describe 12 Years a Slave. Appropriate cut to “Misirlou.” Or not.
10:08 — John Travolta introduces Idina Menzel, performing “Let it Go” from Frozen. I think he flubbed her name big time. Adele Dazin? Huh? Also, am I above making a “he let himself go” joke? No, I am not.
10:11 — Apparently the orchestra is being transmitted via satellite. Smart.
10:12 — Jamie Foxx and Jessica Biel present Best Original Score. Foxx is humming Vangelis. Gravity wins yet again. Steven Price. He’s also worked on Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, Batman Begins and a previous winner: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. Best Original Song goes to “Let it Go” from Frozen. Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez win their first and cause me to tear up for the first time. Dude is now an EGOT winner, which means he’s won an Emmy (for kids’ show The Wonder Pets), a Grammy (for The Book of Mormon), an Oscar just now, and an armful of Tonys (for Avenue Q and The Book of Mormon).
10:22 — Ellen passes the collection plate around, guilting Brad Pitt into chipping in more.
10:23 — Robert De Niro and Penelope Cruz (one of my least favorite Oscar winners ever) present Best Adapted Screenplay. The most deserving nominee isn’t even really an adapted screenplay (Before Midnight). John Ridley, a true movie fan, wins for his adaptation of 12 Years a Slave. He dedicates his win to Solomon Northup. Best Original Screenplay goes to Spike Jonze for Her! I think this means American Hustle isn’t going to win a thing. What a pleasant surprise.
10:32 — Angelina Jolie stands alongside Sidney Poitier to honor him and then present Best Director. Alfonso Cuarón wins for Gravity, a movie that wasn’t even possible to make a few years ago. Love that part of his speech was en español.
10:41 — Daniel Day-Lewis, a true living legend, has arrived to present Best Actress. Cate Blanchett wins for Blue Jasmine. This is her second win. Nine years ago she won for playing Katherine Hepburn in The Aviator. She takes this time to emphasize what should be common knowledge by now: “movies with women at the center are [not] niche experiences.”
10:48 — Jennifer Lawrence, the goddess herself, presents Best Actor to Matthew McConaughey for Dallas Buyers Club. Alright, alright, alright. Texas boy makes good. Speech of the night for sure. Have something to look up to, something to look forward to and something to keep chasing.
10:55 — Will Smith presents the night’s final award: Best Picture. The winner is 12 Years a Slave. Not my favorite film of the year, but there’s no denying its power and its brilliant craft.
11:00 — That will do it for tonight. Thanks for reading. Here’s the full list of winners:
Best motion picture of the year
“12 Years a Slave” Brad Pitt, Dede Gardner, Jeremy Kleiner, Steve McQueen and Anthony Katagas, Producers
Performance by an actress in a leading role
Cate Blanchett in “Blue Jasmine”
Performance by an actor in a leading role
Matthew McConaughey in “Dallas Buyers Club”
Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Jared Leto in “Dallas Buyers Club”
Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Lupita Nyong’o in “12 Years a Slave”
Achievement in cinematography
“Gravity” Emmanuel Lubezki
Achievement in costume design
“The Great Gatsby” Catherine Martin
Achievement in makeup and hairstyling
“Dallas Buyers Club” Adruitha Lee and Robin Mathews
Best animated short film
“Mr. Hublot” Laurent Witz and Alexandre Espigares
Best animated feature film of the year
“Frozen” Chris Buck, Jennifer Lee and Peter Del Vecho
Achievement in visual effects
“Gravity” Tim Webber, Chris Lawrence, Dave Shirk and Neil Corbould
Best live action short film
“Helium” Anders Walter and Kim Magnusson
Best documentary short subject
“The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life” Malcolm Clarke and Nicholas Reed
Best documentary feature
“20 Feet from Stardom” Morgan Neville, Gil Friesen and Caitrin Rogers
Best foreign language film of the year
“The Great Beauty” Italy
Achievement in sound mixing
“Gravity” Skip Lievsay, Niv Adiri, Christopher Benstead and Chris Munro
Achievement in sound editing
“Gravity” Glenn Freemantle
Achievement in film editing
“Gravity” Alfonso Cuarón and Mark Sanger
Achievement in production design
“The Great Gatsby” Production Design: Catherine Martin; Set Decoration: Beverley Dunn
Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
“Gravity” Steven Price
Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
“Let It Go” from “Frozen”
Music and Lyric by Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez
“12 Years a Slave” Screenplay by John Ridley
“Her” Written by Spike Jonze
Achievement in directing
“Gravity” Alfonso Cuarón